..that it’s conceptually absurd, but I am willing to give “Britain’s got talent” some small props because the dance group that won put on an impressive display

I am quite happy to have missed the whole Susan Boyle thing however, talented though she may be.

Anyway. People I work with.

They’re mostly both excellent and nice in no particular order, however, occasionally one little monkey does get caught in the works. Enter the young fresh-faced  Mr. K., a young hip dude in his early twenties.

Mr. K. and I have been working together for the better part of 3 months now, and I’ve come to the conclusion that we can never ever be friends, because he is the worst kind of person. He is not mean spirited, spiteful, pessimistic or angry, to level any of these criticisms against him would be unfair. He is the very picture of a cheerful, positive and unassuming and polite gentlemen. He has a love for his job and an enthusiasm that I have yet to encounter in any other teachers to date. And it’s really all this that makes him so dreadfully irritating. What’s worse, is that makes everyone around him (read: me) feel terrible for having such a distaste for the man.

It’s not that I don’t WANT the teachers to be bold and try new innovative teaching methods in the class room or improve themselves as best they can, it’s just that I’d rather not be a party to the inevitable train wreck that accompanies trying radical new free form pedagogical ideas. I assume most teachers go through a period of trying outrageous new things to overcome obstacles students face when acquiring another language, but most people tend to have a general notion of what may fly in the classroom and what won’t.

In the three months since Mr. K came to the school in question, he has managed to make himself the most disliked teacher in the school, here are a few of the reasons why:

He has your Dad’s sense of humor:

He truly does, he has the sense of humor of someone 30-40 years above his own age. When one is cursed with such an affliction, it’s very important to realise you’re being laughed at rather than with. He unfortunately doesn’t.

Singing and music:

Ah yes, my old enemy the song. Whilst I understand there are certain merits to be gained from listening to songs in a foreign language, manufactured songs in which the only lyric is “How are you?” is unlikely to go down a storm with 12 – 15 year olds. Even if one did have a great song idea, what are the students going to do? Sing their way through the entire fucking language? The sound of music this is not.

Foreign Language introductions:

Ugh… this makes me nauseous just thinking about it. The unphased Mr. K. has some kind of odd notion that he should teach every language in the world. So, frequently lessons start with him getting me to make a skit with him on video, doing some greetings in Spanish or Nepalese or something absurd. The students never understand what the hell we’re doing, I feel like a dick for looking like I’m supporting what is clearly a moronic idea and the whole thing flops.

Picking the wrong fight:

The girl with learning difficulties who doesn’t know the answer to the question is not the one you want to be yelling at or even worse, simply waiting in silence until she produces an answer. These are what we in the trade call bad ideas.

Stop negotiating with the terrorists:

In a game which involved winning and losing via points, it is always key to remember not to render the whole activity moot by giving in when one of the rowdy children complains that they lost and giving everyone the same points.

Stop that racket:

Playing random music in class is not the worst idea in the world. However, playing it during a speaking activity makes everything nigh impossible to hear, one would have thought that obvious.

Don’t bite the hand that feeds you:

Realising you have lost your credibility, it is of course possible to leech a little off the assistant (yours truly). However, if you want to garner the support of said cred holder, then it is important not to demean them in Japanese in front of the students for what are apparently previously unheard of infractions such as whistling to a tune being played, addressing students in a common manner and trying to enforce the rules of a game.

Stop walking like that!:

Fix your irritating gait!

That’s more or less all I have to say on the matter. Nice chap, shame we’ll never be anything more than a weird charade of co-operation

Here’s Joe Cornish’s excellent Quantum of Solace theme:

Thanksloveyoubye