Filed under: Japanese
So, I’m studying for the 1kyuu test this year. Occaisionally when studying, one comes across example sentences that would be near impossible to use in real life situations, unless you were possibly Steve Irwin (deceased).
Today’s gem:
その熊をゆっくり観察した後、私は熊めがけて突進して行った
Translation:
After lesiurely observing the bear, I then rushed it.
The only place I’ve ever leisurely observed bears is in a zoo. Were I to then rush said bear I would have an unfortunate meeting with a steel cage and subsequent security guards, or perhaps if it were a very poor zoo I would have an even more unfortunate and slightly suprising meeting with a bear. Even if your name is Jake-Ironballs-McBullet, you’ve no business leisurely watching bears before rushing them.
Interestingly there was no follow up example sentence.
In a vain attempt to drown my sorrows in the fact that I still have several weeks to see the apparently world endingly awesome “Dark Knight”, I’ve been watching a lot of movies this week, old and new, good and bad in equal amounts.
One benefit of being in Japan is that not only do all anime movies make it to the cinema, they make it there a lot sooner than they would in the old west, having been saved the lengthy swim across whichever ocean you choose. Last night I went to see “崖の上のポンョ”, (Gake no ue no ponyo) I believe the English title to the slightly more unwieldly “The Ponyo on the cliff by the sea”. To my knowledge it’s the first Japanese movie I’ve been to see at the movie theatre that’s been entirely in Japanese, amazingly I understood it all, guess my efforts are having some more obvious dividends these days.
Like Totoro and Kiki’s delivery service, Ponyo is clearly aimed at Miyazaki’s younger fans. However, I think Miyazaki transcends demographics and target audience guidelines, as to dislike Miyazaki (Hayao, not his son, who could possibly be a bastard) movies of any kind you’d probably have to be the kind of person who murders St. Bernards. Baby St. Bernards. Baby St. Bernards that despite only being babies managed to rescue a plane full of stranded tourists from the top of mount Everest, despite having a limp from being hit by a careless drunk driver.That’s the kind of person you’d have to be. You bastard.
I challenge anyone to watch this movie and not coming out confident that the world wasn’t anywhere near as bad as you thought it was. It’s like taking a big dose of happy sauce, as a suppository. It is raw happiness jammed effectively and unapologetically into one’s rectal cavity. I think the thing I love most about Miyazaki’s younger audience orientated movies is that he ignores the traditional equilibrium – disruption – equilibirum pattern that applies to 99.9% of movies ever made and says “The hell with it, let’s just be happy all the time”. I think the worst thing that happens in the movie is there was some heavy rain and inconvenient waves, which all worked out for the better anyway so sod it. Conversely of course “Grave of the fireflies” is just horribly depressing from start to finish with no real break for happiness except when there is some kind of Kimono’s for rice scandal, so I guess it work’s both ways.
Either way. Go and see this movie, if you can see a subtitled version, see that. My views on the dubbing of movies are well known, a movie should be watched in its native language, it will always lose something in conversion to fit with the lip synching and the stress and emphasis is often completely incorrect (in a position to say this with some authority now I feel)
Other movies I watched recently:
You Kill Me – Entertaining enough, I think it was trying to be “Grosse Point Blank” though. And it didn’t quite work.
Alien vs. Predator 2 – Mostly terrible with the odd touch of mediocre, the people alive and dead at the end are basically predicatable. Although at least this time the Predator wasn’t a big cuddly bear trying to save humans.
The Last King of Scotland – Loved this, didn’t make me want to go and holiday in Uganda anytime soon however. Forrest Whitakker joins Morgan Freeman in the list of people who should be in every movie ever.
Well would you believe it? Mad Kenji is really called Mad Kenji! There can be only one!
After Mayumi’s escapades at the Police station, we received a card with the affronter’s detail:
Noda Kenji, 37.
Whoulda thunk it? The very first Mad Kenji from Shishimai may well have to be demoted to Weird Shohei as it now seems appropriate to use people’s real names rather than just guess at them.
Following the event yesterday and his subsequent return from the clink, Mad Kenji came to the door to apologise (as is Japanese custom), Mayumi didn’t want to come to the door to say anything so I spoke to him, it was a weird feeling have a Japanese man 12 years my senior talk up to me in a respectful and apologetic manner, it was like scolding a small child for stealing cookies. I’m so used to being polite I had to really think hard about using casually offensive language.
G: Yes?
MK: I’m so very sorry for what happened last night
G: No that’s O (crap!)…. Yeah, well you should be. You just can’t do that. Don’t you think it’s weird?
MK: Yes, I’m very sorry, it will never happen again.
G: Thanky- ( balls!)…. See that it doesn’t. I’m not just talking about us, this applies to everyone in the area. It’s frightening to wake up at 4:30 in the morning with a guy standing outside your window. How would you like it? Did we ever do something like that to you?
MK: No. I’m sorry.
G: Don’t wo- (for fuc..). Yes, well. We’re not going to take this any further. But cause anymore trouble for anyone and we’re calling the police and having you arrested OK?
MK: Yes. I’m sorry.
G: OK Thanks for com- (arrrggh!) … We’re finished here. You can leave.
(Scampers off)
I’ll be honest, I got a real kick out of berating someone, I never get the chance to being a young foreigner in Japan. My station seldom allows for much beration save that of primary school kids, and they’re mostly used to it so it’s no fun, plus I’m too polite generally I think. I should work on being generally meaner. I’m going to start by telling the kids it’s cold and to shut the gym doors I think. That’ll learn ‘em.
Truth be told, I seriously doubt he’ll ever do anything like that again, he’s not a hardened criminal, he just has the mind of a kid stuck in the body of an adult. The police did however tell us that if he tries that screaming crap again first thing in the AM then it’s fine to call them and they’ll come and shut him up. I know James is going to be pleased about that.
After my recent run of random trips to the hospital for operations, cancer scares, car crashes with cross dressers, one could be forgiven for thinking that my life falls in to the at least slightly abnormal category. In jest, Theo recently commented that I seem to attract these weird little events, once that kind of thing is said however, it stands to reason that these events will curtail as per Murphy’s law. Or do they …..
Scene: 4:30 AM, bedroom.
I wake up, it’s boiling hot again, despite being the middle of the night. I get up out of bed to get some water and switch the air conditioning on to a timer for an hour or so to get to sleep. I wake Mayumi up by accident when getting back into bed. Suddenly we hear the patter of rain outside the house. “Damn. The washing is still outside” exclaims Mayumi (one of those rare situations where something was exclaimed rather than said) and gets up to take it in. She pulls back the curtain, stops, and then turns to me “There’s someone standing outside!”. Bleary eyed and mildly confused I get up and go outside the screen door with Mayumi and standing on a chair, with a handful of our clothes in his hands is a 40-something man and no rain to be seen.
Is that creepy or what?
I shout in my most threatening Japanese voice I can muster (which I think is pretty good from years of anime watching and Kurosawa movies) “What the hell are you doing?”. I’m sure I cut a threatening figure in my boxer shorts, and sure enough the criminal ran off, clutching his spoils.
And now the bizarre part…
Whilst running off with the handful of clothes (and a folding chair…not stolen) he stops, comes back, whilst apologising furiously and returns the stolen clothes. This of course allows me to get a good long look at the mans face.
Does anyone remember I wrote about the crazy shouting retard guy a few months ago? The guy who screams nonsense at about 3-4 AM on weekday mornings? Well, yep, it was him. It was mad Kenji (disclaimer: may not be called Kenji) from the book shop.The book shop 5 meters away. Does that strike no one as stupid even for a retarded guy? Would you steal from somewhere a couple of paces from where you work?
I get some clothes on and take a hunt outside, but he’s scarpered. More because we were unsure what to do after this than anything else, we called the fuzz. They turned up, with relative promptness and in their traditional masses (3 cars, 5 armed cops did seem a bit extreme, but then I guess they’re mostly free). The cops begin their frantic search for evidence and seemed a bit downcast when I told them I knew who it was, as if I was spoiling all the Sherlock Holmes-esque fun. The Police then accosted local 5 am dog walkers to see if they knew where the fella lived. One helpful chap said he knew where to find the owners of the store. The four body armed police (minus the smoking guy who looked like he was in charge – because he hadn’t bothered to dress properly and wasn’t doing much) marched off and came back 10 minutes later dragging a poor little old lady with them (who looked very put out – as one would at 5am) back to the shop. The lady opened up the tiny shop and who was there …. DUN DUN DUUUUUUN! The criminal genius himself. Hiding 5 meters away in the only place we could possibly connect him to.
He was promptly (not) arrested, because it seemed harsh to arrest him apparently (actually, I agree), but he was taken to the police station to be questioned to find out if he’s got anything else to confess or anything and to be given a caution by the police for being an ass. One of the not in charge guys told us that because he was bass ackwards they’d not press any formal charges if we didn’t want to, which we don’t (seems like a hassle to me), as long as he doesn’t go around trying it again.
This brings into question the numerous incidents of missing and odd socks I’ve had since being here. Another case solved, chalk one up for the good guys.
The police, with a smile and a sparkling clean car.
Thanks to you, the men and women of Wakayama prefecture police. Ten hut!
Filed under: Daily life | Tags: Japanese insurance quandries, stupid people, TV
Hehehe .. todays summer time-sink is episodes of “The Day Today” from the early 90’s. Chris Morris is a genius.
In actual news. Welsh people are incredibly stupid to an equal level of that of British airport staff apparently. It has to be said. I’m usually pretty clear on which airport it is that I’m going to be landing at when I go anywhere.
Had a meeting with the insurance company today, it lasted all of five minutes. What with my clever pictures and right of way and all I was gunning for them to take a 100% blame on the opponent approach. They however are apparently fine to accept something like 80/20. This seems ridiculous to me, however I am told this is completely normal in such situations where the police aren’t involved and the accident happened in a private area. Financially this doesn’t really affect me, I get my money back either way apparently. However, it’s more the principle of the matter. I had right of way. She/He didn’t stop. I got hit. I have pictures to prove it, he/she doesn’t. So why is the owner of my car’s insurance company paying anything at all? I’m not going to get angry and kick up a fuss because this is apparently “normal” in this country.
Having spoken to the school principal about it he said “Yeah, it’s unfortunate but without the Police involved its down to a discussion between the insurance groups, and without a police injunction they’re not likely to go for a 100/0 split”. Oh well, such is life I suppose. Can’t wee all just be friends and drive properly?
So the summer holiday has arrived with typical Japanese promptness. How is it going so far? Well, like black and white really.
Friday: Went to Theo’s after school, played a game of AGoT that last three hours. I lost 15-12 in the end but it was a really close fought match and Theo came right back into it from 12 points down to win. A thoroughly entertaining game. Dropped round Mayumi’s parents house afterwards where I was given various gifts for no particular reason.
Saturday: Mayumi has to do parent/teacher interviews at school so she has no holiday. I go to hospital to get my toe looked at again (recently had the nail removed because it was ingrowing for the 4th time) and then go to Wakayama city to try and pick out some summer clothes. Uni-Qlo yields nothing interesting so I make a move to go further out to Garden Park (a mall about an hours drive away) to look in Muji and have a browse round a few other stores. I get there, I enter the car park and then a batshit loco Japanese “lady” drives past a stop sign coming out of the car parking lane and ploughs directly into the side of my car. Leaving me with a wheel hanging almost completely off. Of course the Police can’t come and judge who was wronged as they’re like to do because it’s a “private area” which means it’s left to the insurance companies. Always irritating as there is bound to be arguing from the opposite persons side about how much they pay, the fact that the person driving ignored right of way, stops signs and was the person to “hit” the other car not withstanding, I doubt they’ll really want to pay 100% of the repair if they can possibly avoid doing so.
Here are a couple of pic links to the aftermath (the other person having removed her car because we were in the way of hordes of traffic and one of the store staff was getting shirty).
So, after an hour and a half wait I got my car towed back to the garage I lease from and the owner had prepared a replacement car for me. So aside from the general inconvenience of having half my day spent waiting for someone to take my car back home there was really no major knock on effect to my weekend. The weirdest thing about the whole incident was. The person that hit me was a crossdresser. I swear I’m making no joke. He had a man’s name, in his driving license picture he was bald, yet in meeting him her had an obvious shoulder length womans hairstyle, he was also wearing womans clothing complete with makeup and earrings. All the time he/she was speaking in an over the top womans voice as if her were in a pantomime or something. I was expecting Ashton Kutcher to jump out at any moment to punk me.
Sunday: Conversely, Sunday was one of those “perfect day” days. Mayumi and I had the day off, we watched Forrest Gump in the morning (one of my all time favorites), went to a brand new shopping centre in a different city in the afternoon, I found a bunch of well priced summer clothes I wanted. We ate lunch at an awesome sushi place. Came back to Kimino, went to the river because it was baking hot for a swim,(swimming in the river in Kimino is a bit of a thing here as the water is so clear it’s like glass) the river was deserted save for us and the water awesome. We came home had dinner and watched a movie. Damn near perfect.
I am left to wonder however if there will be a pattern emerging as to how my days will procede from this day forth. I certainly hope I got rid of all my bad luck in one go.
I’m a little distressed that I couldn’t conjure up a less vanilla title for todays entry than that, but one must carry on regardless. In 3 (probably long) hours, the term will be at an end, meaning my annual 44 day stretch of no classes and half working days is imminent. Truth be told, I’m on tenterhooks, the first semester is always the most trying of the year. Staff changes, new students, new learning styles, new class routines, the humidity of early summer and the monotony of teaching the very basic 1st grade textbook from the start again all develop into a pimple of malcontent, burst only by the promise of 44 days of sloth like relaxation.
I’m determined to enjoy this summer more than last year. Last year wasn’t bad by any stretch of the imagination, but apart from going to a few festivals and a few days in Taiwan, I didn’t do much. This year I want to explore. Towards the end of August we’re headed to Korea for a week, which I have every faith will be great, I also want to head to Kyushuu and Shikoku as well as finally seeing the panda twins at Adventure World in Wakayama. I also need to do my usual rounds of the festivals and eat a lot of Takoyaki. I guess I should also keep studying for this goddam Japanese test in December, as depressingly difficult as it is.
Teachers often complain about the workload and sub-standard pay rates that come with working in public education, however, a workless summer, winter and spring holiday seem like a reasonable settlement. Better yet, be an assistant teacher, and then no one gives a damn what you do when the kids aren’t at school.
Filed under: Uncategorized
Is it something of a paradox to hold a meeting about “heatstroke prevention” in a baking hot gymnasium with no cooling system and all the doors closed so that the projector screen can be read easily?
You ever get that? You read something or see something stupid or amusing whilst bathing in a lake of monotony and an unexpected laugh makes its way up the throat only to denied like a red headed love child at the very end. The end result being a half supressed guffaw that comes off as “gmpfff!” making the amused party seem like they struggle with basic respiratory concepts. The point is, I got that today after my eye caught a quote whilst I was checking my gmail account (I always figure that when google’s targeted advertising starts throwing funny quotes at me it really has no idea what it’s supposed to sell me). The quote was from Henny Youngman and read:
“I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.”
Unapolgetically cringeworthy. Something about the blatantless of such a faceatious pun makes me feel warm inside. It seems that comedy these days always has to have a theme, frequently political. I think that’s perhaps why I appreciate Japanese “manzai” comedy so much. It’s pure, simple and agenda free. I think I just don’t like social commentary, commentary should be reserved for sports and rifftrax only methinks
I was previousy unaware of Henny Youngman, more’s the pity as he’s now very much dead. It seems he was an old school one-liner comedian, and in spite of the fact that his material is all very dated (wife jokes and the like), you can’t help but appreciate the purity of a well delivered one-liner. That’s what comedy needs these days, more one-liners and less Dennis Leary (what can I say? He’s just not funny, anyone can be angry at anything).
I didn’t really have anywhere I was going with this truth be told. I’m just bored and using this as an excuse to suspend any pending study I should be doing.
In related news: Going to Theo’s house tomorrow to pick up a big stack of AGoT CCG cards. I’m undoubtedly becoming a giant nerd in my late 20’s, to the extent that I appear to be wearing socks with sandals today.
Nothing is creepier than a guy who wears socks with sandals. I have to keep checking to see I haven’t cultivated a massive professor beard since I came to school.
I like Fridays. I think Friday’s are universally loved. Even back when I worked in retail and I had to work every saturday, I still liked Fridays. The prospect of weekends off increases they’re natural oozing charm even further. Fridays are also the day that Mr. Guitar comes to Misato. Mr. Guitar is a man that only me and the music teacher can see. Mr. Guitar (so named because he plays the guitar) turns up every Friday morning like clockwork, sits on the desk next to me and chats for about 40 minutes or so about anything, life in Japan, politics, the price of gasoline, pizza whatever the topic is. He’s one of those remarkable people with whom conversation comes very easy, regardless of the conversation partner. After 40 minutes or so, he’ll stand up, say goodbye and leave, having done nothing except chat with me for a while. I feel like Gaius Baltar, does no one else see him? What is his purpose?! I’ve never been given a name and as far as I can see the only person he’s ever exchanged words with aside from me is the music teacher.
