Almost an entire month has passed since my last post, for which I feel the odd urge to apologise, although it’s not like anyone pays me for this or anything.
There has been good (?) reason for my tardy scrawlings however, some folks may remember this post from way back when following a previous post hiatus. In a thoroughly predictable and unentertaining sequence of events the cancer discussion reared it’s ugly head again at the begining of November, in a film nouveau style I will give you the ending before embelishing how we got to the climax, it seems I do not have cancer again. Much like the Matrix: Reloaded, this episode was much worse than the original, more laboured, confusing and full of expensive effects. Allow me to reconstruct the story:
Nov 3rd: Notice weird lump on the back of my neck, not too big maybe 1cm in diameter, figure I should get it checked. Doc tells me it’s a neck cyst and that it will keep getting bigger, when it’s over an inch then he can operate and get rid of it. I’m all dandy with it and go on my merry way
Nov 6th: Routine stop at dermatologist to pick up meds, mention it to the doc and he takes a look. Dismisses the cyst claims saying it’s a lymph node which is more likely due to dry skin created by the sudden cold front that has hit Japan and not to worry about it. Mildly confused I decide to get a second opinion just in case it is something more serious.
Nov. 8th: Go to an internal medicie person. She prods around and says offhandly “Yeah, it’s a cyst. But on a different topic, how about we retake that blood test you took 5 months ago that came back saying you had cancer. You know, just for shit’s and giggles.“
It’s possible I translated some of that badly however.
Nov. 14th: Get my results back from the test, the level of the cancer antigen in my blood has shot up by over three times. The Doc tells me that given this evidence it is most likely I have metastic squamous cell carcinoma of the head and neck. She orders a CT scan with contrast (ink stuff in the blood), which reveals two lumps in the back of my neck … which is zero surprise as I could feel them with my hand. She then books me in with a ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) doc to check it all out the next day. So I go home and tell my pregnant wife that it’s highly possible I have mid to late stage metastic cancer. I’ll be honest, it was not the best day I’ve ever had.
Nov. 15th: Visit to the ENT, he looks around my throat and nose with a straw like camera, he finds no cancer, which sounds great, until he explains that this could mean it’s metastic cancer of unknown primary, which is a bitch to treat as you’ve no idea where to look for primaries and metasteses. He also mentions that it could also be that my lymph nodes are flared due to inflammatory changes and the blood test could be just an error. What are the chances of that? Seriously?
Anyway, he performs needle biopsy (stabs me in the neck a few times) and says the results will take a week. If it comes back positive for cancer we will start treatment preperation but, (here’s the kicker) if it’s negative for cancer then we have to do further expensive tests because needle biopsy is prone to false negatives. Awesome! So there is actually no good news! Unless it tests positives for jelly beans trapped beneath my skin then it’s more or a “cancer …or maybe still cancer” situation.
Nov 13th: Go to the dermatologist for a routine app. He says he has no idea why all the testing is necessary as it can all be explained as I’m an eczema sufferer, the cancer antigen I was tested for he dismisses as useless as eczema patients typically test high and the lymph nodes in question are almost never cancerous. But still, he’s a dermatologist, not a full on cancer doc, so who to trust?
Nov 22nd: Go back to the ENT. This time an entirely different ENT, who is worryingly young and smells of intense tobacco. He glances at my results, feels around the lymph nodes and said my results came back negative and I may as well forget about it, I’m probably fine, BUT, if I get a fever or they get any bigger then come back. Frankly the guy smacked of the “this job is a pain in the ass” school of medicine. So after some whinging from me about what the previous guy had said about further testing he caved in and booked me in for a PET scan at the University medical center.
Nov 28th: I think the staff at the PET center thought this was a huge mistake. I was neither Japanese, nor over 60, they were clearly unprepared for a white guy in his 20’s. I previously thought that the internal medicine ward in Kimino was depressing, but this place takes the cake. Everyone was very obviously sick, and the impeccable decor did very little to improve the impression of the place, even the Bach (or someone so like him that it makes no odds) playing over the tannoy was an irritant rather than a relaxant. The test occupied over 3 hours of my time and cost 30,000 yen (probably around £200 these days perhaps?). If there is ever a test that looks more impressive than a CT scan however, it’s easily a PET scan. It’s twice the size, looks like a horizontal tardis and scans you for 40 minutes whilst seranading you with the same kind of monotone plinky piano nonsense one would find in the elevator of a modestly priced hotel.
Afterwards they gave me a cake, which was nice in a sort of “sorry you probably have cancer, but at least there’s always cake” kind of way.
4th December: Results from the PET scan come in, I’m as cancer free as I ever was apparently, ending a month of speculation. The ENT (again, totally different guy, how many can their possibly be?) echoes what my dermatologist said about how he has no idea why the first doctor (the one who said cysts one week and then cancer then next) came to the conclusion that I had metastic cancer when all the evidence points to routine inflammation of the lymph nodes due to dry skin and scalp irritation.
So there we have it. Once again terrifying and expensive misdiagnosis of a ridiculously long winded nature. I think I have a few choice words for the next doctor who is going to try and diagnose me of cancer. Perhaps this is some kind of hilarious Japanese medical practical joke that I’m not party to.
If nothing else however, it was a learning experience. I have a near encyclopedic knowledge of cancer now, and I would ask anyone I know to immediately stop smoking, ensure you drink only in moderation (most common cause of neck and head cancer is alcochol consumption, not smoking), and get checked regularly as by the time you display and symptoms of cancer you may well be in stage 3 or 4, at which your survival rate is (dependant on the type and location of the cancer) a mere fraction of what it was had you detected it in stage 1 (even big bad lung cancer has a 95% cure rate if caught before it metastises). Also, eat your damn vegetables! Increasingly research is suggesting that certain vegetables like carrots, tomatoes and garlic are strong anti-cancer agents and more importantly a lack of the relevant nutrition will greatly increase your risk of developing cancer in the first place.
If you think you have something, get it checked, the most heart-breaking stories of cancer sufferers I read whilst I was researching treatments etc. were those of people who didn’t go because of the cost, fear of what the doctor might say, laziness etc. and it wasn’t just people over the 40 year safety line, there 20 and 30 year old’s in there for good measure too.
So this brings to an end part two of my cancer rant. I think for every happy event in my life some kind of metaphysical force is going to piss on my party with bad news, let’s quickly review this year
March: Married!
May: Cancer!
September: Baby!
November: Cancer!
I really hope that from this point on nothing awesome happens, I might get told I have ebola or something, when the little tyke is born I have no idea what’s going to happen.
PS: Mother and baby doing well. Kid is currently just over 6cm tall and mother is significantly taller than that.
Filed under: Entertainment, health | Tags: Danny Choo, health, Stormtrooper
Health checks. Japan has them, and in great number. I’d be happy with this save that I have got to the age where they are starting to terrify me ever so slighty. It wouldn’t be unfair to say I’m passed or in the process of passing my most verile years, at a ripened 26-soon-to-be-27, I can see the crest of my fourth decade rising ahead and I’m none too pleased about the baggage that comes attached with that. I never wish to have to discuss my prostate and the investigating of it with anyone.
Since the worrying and expensive incident of noncancer I have been eager to avoid having any further checks carried out as I am a lover of bliss, and ignorance is one of the “must have” items for collectors. However, the inevitable treachery of common sense dictates that if it’s free and likely to help in any way then one should snap up the opportunity. So, today I trotted up to the health centre to claim my gratuitous bill of health or lack thereof. After being whisked through height/weight, eyes/ears and blood pressure I joined the incredibly long line for blood tests. What’s more enjoyable than filing rank for 30 minutes to get stabbed in the arm after all? Finally my turn comes for intravenous intrusion and I query my would be assailant as to whether I needed it as during the time I had been waiting several people seemed to have left without blood loss. As it turns out, the woman at blood pressure booth had made a mistake and handed me 3 vials for no reason, as I’m not down for blood tests this year.
I think my point is this, there is always a way to make matters of health more painful than they need to be. An optimist would point out “at least you didn’t have to have the tests right?”. Smarmy bastard. Lucky I only know miserable sods really.
In other news, Mr. Danny Choo makes me happy for some reason.
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Filed under: Daily life, Entertainment, health | Tags: Comics, Final Crisis, Gundam, health
..bleh..
That’s about how I feel right now. I never mentioned this on my blog until now, as I knew some people would worry unecassarily or continually remind me with random messages of “You ok?” etc., which I couldn’t really be bothered with. Going back to the cancer incident of 3-4 weeks ago, I got my blood work back from the docs, the blood work that “Didn’t need to be taken” and it showed irritatingly high results for a serum that is indicative of oesophagus cancer. In order to completely eliminate this as a possibility I had to have gastrocopy (the camera in the throat dealy). Believe me, that thing is not as “micro” as they say, and if you ever have it done, take the general anesthetic not the local, I have never wanted to spew so badly for so long, it was like watching a Martin Night Shaylaman movie. Anyway, needless to say I don’t have oesophagus cancer thankfully, I in fact have an unusually pretty oesophagus apparently. So there.
In other news, I’ve finished watching the first season of Gundam 00. Whilst I’m generally in favor of Gundam, it is a massively volatile entity. Series’ such as Gundam 8th MS Team, Gundam SEED and Gundam ZZ have been little short of masterpieces, whereas the like of Gundam Wing, Gundam SEED Destiny and G-Gundam have been frustratingly bad. Despite the initial fear of four overly pretty boys meaning another Gundam Wing fiasco, 00 falls nicely into the superior group of series’ with a sequel series to come in the near future. Of course, with lessons learned from Gundam SEED and Gundam SEED Destiny, we know that a good first season doesn’t necassarily mean a good second season, but we can live in hope. Give it a watch, you can find all the episodes floating around on bittorrent subbed by a group called Nyron.
I’m undecided as to whether I should be excited by DC’s “Final Crisis” or not. I enjoyed Infinite Crisis and Identity Crisis well enough, but after 52 weeks of “Countdown to Final Crisis” I can’t help but wonder if it’s horribly over-hyped. My major issue so far is how (spoiler alert!) my favorite DC character went down like a bitch in first few pages – of course we know that death isn’t much of a thing in the world of comics, particularly for the big guns. Even if DC to kill of a number of the hall of famers as they have been indicating they may well do, one can’t help but see them buzzing back into existence with the thanks of super pseudo science. Still, it’s niceto reminded that whatever Final Crisis turns out for us, we’ve come a long way.
Apologies one and all. My blog has of late become a woefully abandoned and unfrequented phantasm of it’s former self. I intend to address the issues by posting less “eye-bleedingly” huge posts in favor of shorter commentary post haste. However, today indulge me if you will and I will spin a yarn about a subject rather more sedate than my usual aimless ramblings.
Let me tell you about how I had cancer for 24 hours. Or if you prefer less of a tabloid sheen to it how I feared I had cancer for 24 hours. I am thoughtlessly ruining the punch line for you all right here by telling you that I don’t, in fact, have cancer.
So yesterday lunch time the school nurse approaches me, and contrary to her usual “cheerful- in-the-face-of-anything-complete-with-bad-English” demeanor she very gravely explains to me in Japanese that I have to go to the hospital for an X-Ray and CT scan because the people at the Wakayama board of health say something was amiss in my yearly X-ray. I think, like most people who have had some experience with smoking, it is understandable that the first thing that popped into my head in big red letters was; CANCER! They always said it could happen to you! And you didn’t believe them! Fool!
After a minute or two of reading the irritating letter and the even more infuriating instructions that said “details of inspection in envelope: not to be opened by anyone other than a Doctor under any circumstances”, I calmed down and realised, I’m young, relatively healthy and basically a non-smoker bar a 3 year variable blip and the occaisional blip elsewhere. But even so, I have never been a 20 a day man. However, it’s still not awesome news, and the fact that I was the only member of staff to not come back clean suggested this wasn’t a hugely common occurance, so the thought of cancer was never far from my mind. Helpfully, the nurse made me an appointment at the local hospital for the following day, and wrote a letter for me to take with me to save any misunderstandings (something I’d usually stubbornly battle through myself, but considering it was potential cancer I figured I would err on the side of caution).
So today I trotted down to the hospital and waited for my CT and X-ray to be taken ….and waited….and waited… and waited. It’s true, waiting is by far the worst part. Especially when no one is willing to venture an opinion, the best I got was from a nurse who had seen the “mystery letter of doom that I wasn’t permitted to open” was that we would definitely need an X-ray at least (it’s always difficult to know where to put the italics in Japanese speech, I’m still not sure which parts are being stressed and what those nuances are). Eventually I get ushered into a room and chat to the doc, my blood pressure and heart rate are normal for a guy who’s scared shitless he has cancer and the Doc can’t feel anything obvious from around the area, but it still could be early stage cancer apparently, on the lower part of my right lung. The fact that it’s treatable if it’s caught early doesn’t seem like a huge consollation prize – small graces be damned, its still cancer.
The merriest part of the journey was the CT scan, if you’ve never had one, it really is just like the movies, it’s a big expensive looking circle machine that makes you feel like “Shit. If they’re using this I must be pretty fucking sick“. Whilst making me feel like I really did have some serious illness it also at least felt like I was throwing money at the problem to make it go away.
So anyway, after more waiting and X-ray visits the Doc says: “Nothing to worry about, you have a scar on your lung from where you had a bad cold or a chest infection and that’s all, we’ll take the blood tests just to be safe but there’s no need to worry”.
When I think about it, I know there are a hojiilion and one things a shadow on an X-ray can mean, and given my family has no history of cancer there wasn’t really much cause to be concerned. But, if I can be melancholy for a moment, whilst I was sitting waiting to find out if I had cancer, it made me think a lot about mortality and taking care of myself. What was just as bad was sitting in a room of people who really did have cancer, seeing the despair and pain it was causing them. Without meaning to give into hyperbole, I swear you could honestly see the worry and fret etched into the faces of those suffering from cancer (one at least was suffering from lung cancer as I overheard the discussion from the Doctors office). On top of everything else, the one thing that kept ringing over in my mind was “All this could have been avoided for god knows how many people by the simple act of not smoking” .. just not doing something, not even doing something.
I think my point is, whilst I don’t have cancer, I could have done. Until you are faced with the reality of it up close and personal, it all seems like “something that happens to other people” and it’s not possible to understand the terror of it all. This is almost certainly coming over far too melodramatic, but if you are a smoker, I would very much like you to stop, and I know A LOT of smokers. You really don’t want to put yourself through the pain of waiting to find out (nor others around you). If you are feeling any of the symptoms, don’t do what I would do and leave it alone in the hope it goes away, get an X-ray. In fact, get an X-ray anyway, as a smoker you should get yourself checked for that shit, you catch something like lung cancer fast then it can be dealt with, go when you’re coughing up blood and it is much less likely. I don’t care how “live fast and die young” your personal philosphy is, it’ll still scare the holy fuck out of you.
This was all epiphany and shit.
Stop smoking!
